He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
