I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
