I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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