Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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