just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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