its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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