she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
