Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
