my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
