speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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