i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
