If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
