how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
