You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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