everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
