overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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