You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize