I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
