how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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