Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
