he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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