you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize