May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize