then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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