Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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