Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
