What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
