Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
