Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
