I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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