I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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