they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
