i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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