Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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