ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
