I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
