If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
