Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
