Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
