Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
In America we eat man semen.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
