I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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