I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.