dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?