someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.