Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.

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  (310): It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples. http://tfl.nu/vzvv
  Replies (14) Good night (2491) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.

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  (513): I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now. http://tfl.nu/qgov
  Replies (10) Good night (465) Bad night (4704) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!

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  (201): yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?! http://tfl.nu/evmd
  Replies (28) Good night (3772) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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  (917): Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit. http://tfl.nu/4xb1
  Replies (9) Good night (4610) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

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  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7237) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.

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  (617): you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on. http://tfl.nu/kzav
  Replies (4) Good night (1092) Bad night (4701) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!

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  (515): I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME! http://tfl.nu/9v3y
  Replies (16) Good night (2978) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
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  (+35): View more from

  I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.

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  (+35): I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/jeai
  Replies (7) Good night (2218) Bad night (585)
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  (530): View more from California

  On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.

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  (530): On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite. http://tfl.nu/tnfr
  Replies (9) Good night (3841) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.

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  (914): Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face. http://tfl.nu/vgja
  Replies (12) Good night (3291) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...

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  (213): I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question... http://tfl.nu/p1j1
  Replies (8) Good night (952) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"

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  (817): And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?" http://tfl.nu/ufhu
  Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (254) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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  (817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e
  Replies (4) Good night (1813) Bad night (257)
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  (310): View more from California

  I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.

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  (310): I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there. http://tfl.nu/gafs
  Replies (3) Good night (781) Bad night (231)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all

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  (262): Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all http://tfl.nu/zpgp
  Replies (6) Good night (576) Bad night (221) Order T-Shirt

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