she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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