But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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