You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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