I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
