i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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