I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
