it was like his penis was on wheels.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
