somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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