Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize