Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
