If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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