I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I stole a fireplace last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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