69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
