Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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