You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
