dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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