haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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