My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize