He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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