ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
