ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
