i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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