I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
