If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
