I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
